What do Amazon, Meta, and Apple all have in common? They all dropped stellar earnings today. First, Amazon had some pretty balla earnings today.

Amazon basically crushed every metric. Earnings per share they beat by 25%. Revenue they beat by $4 billion. Advertising grew by $500 million and 27% year-over-year. Net income went from $278 million a year ago to ten billion today. Amazon also fired 10,000 people, which again does not make me feel great to cheer on, but it does make the company more efficient. AWS meeting expectations would be the only thing I would mark as potentially worrying. You want that revenue number ($24.2 billion) to grow.

Amazon had a great fourth quarter and a great 2023. I am not invested in Amazon for some reason. Amazon is a great company; I will be the first to tell you, but in their sector of the market- a mega-cap tech company- I prefer other options like Apple or Microsoft. Once I accrue more capital (get paid from my minimum wage job), I may look at Amazon, but realistically, something more exciting will probably take my focus. I simply have never been able to get around to Amazon.

Apple, one of my favorites, reported earnings, and there is not much to say. Apple always beats earnings, or at least, they never disappoint. This time, Apple beat earnings. Apple beat on earnings per share, revenue, iPhone revenue, Mac revenue, other product revenue, and gross margin. Apple did not hit targets in iPad revenue but is still raking in over $7 billion in that sector, and Apple did not hit estimates in services revenue but barely missed. Apple did everything you want them to do, a seven out of ten quarter. Oh, and they did this all in one less week, which may sound silly to you, but growth in practically all major sectors in one less week than usual is impressive, to say the least. Apple was not perfect, and here is where I wish they would cut back on buybacks and dump everything into R and D. I want a situation like we have at the US Military, where they have way too much money, and in return, we get a fighting force 20 years ahead of every other organization. No healthcare, just missiles. That is what I want from Apple. This quarter was fine, but I want more.

I wanted to save ole’ Mark “The Zuck” Zuckerberg for last. Today, as part of their pretty solid earnings- profit tripled year over year- they announced a DIVIDEND. Woohoo, yipee, hooray, a dividend from Meta. My conspiracy theory is that they had to establish the dividend so people would not rush to sell after one of the most painful Senate Hearings in a while. I could not stop thinking of Tom from Succession and his Senate Hearing. Marky having to turn around and apologize to those families was absolutely revolting to my eyes. He was so awkward and looked pained. It was almost sad. I do not really care about these earnings, honestly. This will never be a company I invest in. It simply would make me feel sick to be part of anything that hobgoblin is leading. I positively detest the basement-low moral standards Mark Zuckerberg has set for himself, and I do not feel pity for him the way I feel pity for Elon. Maybe I just don’t understand Mark, but either way, he will never see any of my cheddar.